Will You Still Love Me?
by Penwriter2608
Summary: Am I Living or just existing? Who knows. This is my journey. This is OUR journey.
1. Chapter 1

_Prologue_

"You need to leave."

I watched as his knuckles turned white from gripping the edge of the hard porcelain sink. 

"Edward..." I trailed off because fuck if I knew what I was going to say, but I carried on anyway because I never could tell when to keep my fucking mouth shut. "Please." 

"No Bella, not this time," Edward sneers releasing his grip on that poor sink, "Enough with your bullshit excuses, you've made your choice." 

I kept my eyes on his back, watching his muscles tense the closer I got to him, ""You have it all wrong." 

He shook his head, "I always do don't I, is that why you did it? To prove me wrong? Too scared to admit that this time I might actually be fucking right?" 

I started to protest, reaching out my hands to him, all the time questioning how the fuck we ended up like this. 

He whips round to face me, throwing his hands up so my own drop from his arms. 

"Don't fucking touch me!" He hissed, it was then that I took the courage to look up into his eyes, seeing an emotion that broke my fucking heart in two. 

_Hate_. 

He hated me. 

_Me  
_

The girl he said he could never hate. 


	2. Chapter 2

_**I forgot my disclaimer...Obviously I don't own Twilight...I just checked my bank account.**_

 **Enjoy.**

 **6 _years later_**

"What the fuck Rose?"

I can't even tell if she's kidding or not? Who even does this kind of thing anymore?

Fuck.

To top it off she tells me in the middle of her workshop

She gave me her famous bitch brow, "What? I can't tell you? Who else am I gonna fucking tell?"

I took in a long drag from my cigarette before I answered because...Well fuck, the bitch had me speechless for once, "How long has this even been going on?" I asked.

Classic Rose just shrugged her shoulders, wiping the oil off her hands, "If you don't know the bees and the birds talk, then go and ask Renee."

The fuck kind of answer is that?

"I hope this kid doesn't have your fucking attitude." I said flatly.

"What? As opposed to Em's?" She snorted.

And god dammit if she didn't have me on that one.

I sat there and watched her work on her latest project, that's how we were, we didn't need to fill in the silence with mindless gossip, so she left me alone with my thoughts to process what just happened.

I took a deep breath before I opened my mouth, just to shut it straight after.

I'm never speechless, this is a whole new one.

I had so many questions to ask, I just didn't know where the fuck to start.

I snorted to myself. Emmett? Of all people? That big lovable oaf.

I can see Rose staring at me from where she was bent over the hood of whatever car she was looking at, silently asking me what the fuck was going through my head.

"Emmett? Really? What happened do that douche asshole _Royce_?"

"Nothing happened, because nothing was going on, so we hooked up a couple of times."

"Well..."

"Save your judgement holier then thou."

"...No judgement here."

"Good."

"So.."

"So... I haven't told anyone else."

I nodded my head and smirked, "I get it, I'll keep my mouth shut."

She quirks her eyebrow and smirked right back at me, "Will you?"

"Unless you don't want me to?"

Shit, I'll tell anyone she wants me to.

"No...Emmett already told Jazz and Ed."

I cringed as I heard his name, "Oh."

She gave me a calculating look, as though she wasn't sure whether she wanted to tell me the next bit or not.

I scoffed, "Spit it out already."

She shook her head, "We're having a get together this weekend, you should come."

"No."

"No?"

"No...why are you even bothering? You both know I won't fucking go to Em's, you've asked me for the past five years and still the answer is the same."

"Can't blame a girl for trying."

"Anyway, I better get back to work, because god knows Newton can't work on his fucking own." I hopped off the stool I was sat on.

"Yea and it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that the guys are probably on their way back from their lunch break?"

I literally can't get anything past mystic fucking Meg over there.

"Whatever." I muttered, shrugging on my jacket.

"I get it," Rose said, "The nicer you are, the easier you're hurt, so just be a cunt."

"I'll see you at home?" I rolled my eyes, because really? Where else would I be? It's not like I had a social life anyway. Let alone a boyfriend.

I mean the whole reason I figured I'm single is because Cupid realized how amazing I am and fell in love with me and now he won't let anyone else have me.

 _Obviously_.

I was also seriously drunk when I told this theory to Rose and Alice, who did nothing but laugh their bitch asses off at me.

The reason I don't go to Em's is because I can't stand to see that same look in his eyes from all those years go.

I ducked my head just as Em's jeep pulled into the lot.

I hid behind my own car like the creep that I was watching first Em leave the car, then Jazz slipped out, slipping his hands inside his jeans pockets, laughing his ass off at something Em said, I looked down at my keys in my hand, not sure whether I wanted to see him step out of the jeep.

Then again I'm a sucker for punishment so yea, I looked up and my breath leaves my entire body in one rush, making me majorly light headed, I think I might have even stumbled back a bit.

I watched as one leg then another leg appeared on the ground the other side of the jeep, all I had to do was close my eyes and imagine what was attached to those legs, only I didn't need to because a moment later he walked into my view.

 _Walked_ I snorted to myself, rolling my eyes, _Sauntered_ more like.

He raked his hand through his hair, the cigarette hanging from his lips, I wish I could see his eyes, hidden behind his sunglasses. But if I saw this eyes, I would see the hate and I'm still not used to it.

No one knew about our past, because it was just that the past, so they have no idea why Edward hated me so much, hell, still fucking does.

I'm a filthy whore who traps men, makes them fall in love with me, the rips out their fucking heart, that's what he told me anyway when I answered the phone, knowing full well he was drunk and it wasn't going to be a pretty conversation.

 **/./././././././././././././././.**

 _"Bells?" My dad called from the bottom of the stairs, "You home?"_

 _I meet him in the kitchen, "What's up?" I asked, going over to sit down at the table in the middle of the kitchen, the same kitchen where only last night Edward told me to basically get the fuck out of his life._

 _"You weren't in school today," He stated, looking over his coffee at me._

 _"No, I wasn't" I confirmed, nodding my head, I wasn't going to lie to him, I had no reason to, school is for fucking losers, and I for one, did not fancy seeing all the hateful glares of Edward Cullen's fucking fan club._

 _"You're seventeen years old Bella, you want me to treat you like an adult, let you go to all these parties down in La Push, let you off without a curfew, get a job...yet you can't even take yourself to school."_

 _I played with the end of my jumper, not bothering to look up, "I'm sorry,"_

 _I heard as he moves across the kitchen, taking a beer out of the fridge, it must have been a tough one at the station tonight, "Don't let it happen again."_

 _I watched his back as he settled himself into his recliner switching the TV onto the sports channel._

 _I loved my dad, he was a no nonsense, no bullshit kind of guy, then again being Fork's Chief Of Police does that to a man, he didn't hang around and try to make small talk. He was straight to the point Charlie Swan._

 _He was my fucking idol._

 _I trudged my way back into my room, just as my cell started ringing, "Hello?" I wished I had paid attention to the caller ID._

 _"Bella Fucking Swan," He slurred._

 _I sucked in a deep breath, I was not expecting to hear his voice so soon, "Edward." I breathed,_

 _"I don't know why I rang," He started chuckling down the phone, "I fucking hate you."_

 _I let out the most rugged breathe of my life. "No, you're drunk, you don't mean it."_

 _"Oh believe me I do, I wish I never laid fucking eyes on you. You made me fall in love with you? For what?" He asked, then was silent, as though actually expecting me to answer._

 _"Ed-"_

 _"No, you don't get to fucking speak to me, you're nothing but a dirty whore Bella Swan. You were supposed to be different, but you're just the same as the other sluts at school. Trying to trap me into loving you. I thought I did." He stopped his tirade, I hear him gulp down whatever he is drinking, "I'm leaving tomorrow, going to visit family, I don't know why the fuck I'm telling you this, but for some reason I feel like I need to. And Bella?"_

 _"Yes?" I whispered, because I didn't think my voice would be strong enough to speak louder._

 _"I hope I never lay my fucking eyes on you again."_

 **/././././././././././././././././././.**

It's not that I don't trust Rose, or Alice, with my life, I do, one hundred percent. It's more of the fact that I'm ashamed of myself, of my past.

No one wants to air their dirty laundry, me included. That's how I ended up here, in Chicago, renting with those two crazy bitches.

I removed myself from my old life, or it seemed like it, until Rose dragged me to a bar to meet her new work colleagues.

Zazu was right, it is a small world.

The second worst night of my life was when I got introduced to Edward Cullen for the second time in six years.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Six Months Ago.**_

"You're coming Bella, don't fucking start, stop making me act like your mother," Rose hissed throwing things about in my closet.

I sniffed haughtily, "My mother would never do this." I heard Rose scoff, "Why is it so important that I go anyway? What's me getting along with your new colleagues got to do with you doing your fucking job?"

Right?

It doesn't matter if I like them or if they like me? I like my friends that I have now, even if it is just Rose and Alice. I love dem' bitches.

Alice came waltzing into my room disrupting my thoughts in the process, "Ladies, may your foundation match your neck, concealer be crease-less and winged eyeliner be sharp enough to kill." I scrunch up one side of my nose at her.

"What the fuck?" Hell if Rose doesn't agree with me, "Are you on something?"

"Shut up." Alice grinned, "I just have a really good feeling about tonight. I'm going to meet my soulmate."

I literally just stare at her, because she's bat shit crazy and some poor defenseless bastard doesn't know what's about to hit him.

This will be good, almost too good to miss.

Almost.

"I'm not fucking going, I don't want to socialize with anyone, I want to pig out on ice cream and watch a movie then go to bed nice and late."

Alice sighed heavily, "You can't act like flip flops and expect to be treated like Louboutins." Where does she get this shit from? _Honestly._

"Really?" I deadpanned, "Flip flops?"

"Yes Flip flops Bella, if you can't be bothered to put yourself out there then you'll be single for the rest of your life." She threw her hands up exasperated.

"And what if I like being single?" I raised an eyebrow, challenging her.

"Cut the shit Bella, no one likes being single," Rose said, bluntly.

Of course, they know some of my past, as in I was hurt badly by someone I loved, but they didn't know that it was my fault.

"Oh Bella," Alice started shaking her head sadly, "You let love go and it didn't come back, it is not the end of the world, just look at tonight as a fresh start."

"Bullshit," Rose grinned, "That whole love something let it go, is pure shit. If you love someone let them go. If they come back? Tell them to fuck right off, the cheeky prick shouldn't have left you in the first place."

I'm pretty sure me and Alice are gaping at her before busting our asses and guts laughing at our crazily truthful best friend.

"Fine," Alice said as we all come down from our laughing high, "You won't come with us, then we'll come to you, Rose," Alice started to instruct, "Tell the guys to meet us here, we can order in and just chill out."

Now that idea I wasn't opposed to at all.

That's how I found myself sitting nearly, with a glass of wine, in the middle of the kitchen of our three story town house, wondering what the fuck I let myself in for.

"They're here." Rose announced breezing past me to let in our guest.

I should have just stayed in my room, far away from human contact. Charlie used to tell people I was socially awkward, which might be slightly true, but still. Is it a wonder I had no real friends? At least not until I found those two whack jobs.

"Bella?" Alice called out from the living room, which I take as my cue to show my face, "Come and meet the guys."

I mentally rolled my eyes, this was going to be interesting.

"Bella, this is Emmett," The burly, muscled one winked at me, taking my hand and kissing the back of it, I snorted, raising my eyebrows.

"Nice."

"...Jasper." The next one is slightly less muscled and more lean, he still towers over me like Emmett though, he gives me a shy smile, looking straight into my eyes, which is uncomfortable, because I feel like he can see straight into my soul.

"..Edward." Now that caught my attention as my head whipped to my left, looking straight into a pair of angry emerald eyes in all his six foot glory. I do a quick evaluation before he can't bear looking at me anymore, his bronze hair is slightly longer, curling at the nape of his neck, barely brushing the back of his collar. He looks good, muscled and lean as fuck.

My heart fucking hurts as I watch him try to control his anger, trying not to out us and our past.

His jaw clenches, but he doesn't say anything, instead he accepts the beer Alice held out for him, pretty much draining the whole bottle in one go.

I still fucking loved him.

He wouldn't look at me for the rest of the night, let alone talk to me or anyone for that matter, it was like he knew how much I wanted to hear his voice and he denied me.

"So, Bella, where are you from?" Jasper asked, causing the whole table to pause and look at me, except for Edward, who was staring intently into his Chinese container.

"...Forks," I shrugged casually, because for sure they wouldn't have heard of it.

"Hey Ed, aren't you from Forks man?" Emmett asked, well shit.

He nodded, pushing his chair back and grabbing his smokes from where he laid them on the table.

"Do you two know each other? Forks isn't that big is it?"

Then he decides to fucking speak and I wish he hadn't.

"No, never seen her in my life."

 _Asshole._ With his smooth velvety sex voice and his goddamn fingers toying with his cigarette pack.

I do the single most stupid thing I have ever done in, in the past six months anyway, I followed him out onto the back porch.

He doesn't even acknowledge me, which is fine...Not really. "Edward."

I watched him tense as I stood beside him.

He moved to the other side of the porch, further away from me, "What?" He snapped.

"Really?" I sighed loudly and annoyed. "Still with this?"

"Yea," He sneers, "Still with this, what? You think time would pass, we'd bump into each other and what? Make up? Be friends? Maybe develop romantic feelings again?" He doesn't even give me chance to answer, "Not gonna fucking happen Swan, so let's save your time, and just pretend we don't fucking know each other."

I nodded, "If that's what you want, Edward."

"Stop saying my fucking name." He demanded before flicking his cigarette butt into the back garden and stomping back into the house.

Well...that could have gone better, I follow the direction I thought he threw his cigarette in, which there was actually no need for because there was an ashtray right next to him. I pull my jumper further round me before lighting my own cigarette.

What the fuck just happened?

Edward Cullen comes sauntering back into my life and I fuck it up again.

Still he didn't have to be such an asshole about it.

He could've pretended it never happened. I should have known better.

Nothing lasts forever.


	4. Chapter 4

_**I hope you're enjoying the story so far :)**_

 _ **Present Day.**_

I rolled my eyes for the hundredth time that morning, "Mike." I hissed, trying really fucking hard to reign in my temper.

Asshole Newton was all pressed up against me, under the pretense of showing me the new computer system, which he seems to forget that I was the one that suggested it to his parents anyway.

I didn't even know he was in this morning, or I would have called in sick.

Fucker gives me the creeps, keep staring at me like he wants to eat me and shit.

I need a new job.

I shudder, internally, "Mike, I know what to do, your dad went through it with me already."

Again the eyes rolled.

"Oh, right, well I guess time is being wasted then," He said, not even bothering to move away, "Dinner?"

Wow Mike, don't beat around the bush or anything.

No.

I shove off from my stool, pretending to grab something from the back, not even bothering to answer him, because at that precise moment, I saw Em and Jazz enter the shop and where they are, Edward is always right behind them, looking as though he is being dragged to go along everywhere, while not actually wanting to be there at all.

If that makes sense.

"Bells...Didn't know you were working today?" Em grinned, picking me up and hugging the ever loving shit out of me.

I saw that bronze hair whip round at the sound of Em's voice.

Yea that's right fucker, you're on my turf now asshole.

He angrily studies the laces of his boots, damn sexy ones I might add too.

"Bella..." Mike trailed off as he rounded the corner, seeing me with the guys, "...What.."

I snorted, "What's up Mike?"

"I didn't realize you had a boyfriend Bella..."

"I don't."

"Oh...Dinner tonight then?" He asked, still not getting the hint.

I see Edward look up, straight at Newton, narrowing his eyes into slits, I swear to god he fucking growled.

"...Did you hear that?" Mike asked looking around as Jazz shot Edward a warning glance.

The fuck is going on?

"Erm, no Mike, I didn't hear anything," I said, nope, don't look Bella.

Do. Not. Look.

I looked.

I had to.

His glare was directed at me now, as always, but he looked so fucking good in his tight white shirt, covered in oil and his dark blue jeans that hung that low on his hips that I'm "Can we just fucking leave now?" He asked between clenched teeth, obviously he wasn't talking to me.

"Did you guys need something?" He still can't take the hint. Looking between us all, "I'm sure Bella wouldn't mind helping out."

"Wow Mike, just whore out my services why don't you."

I heard a very sarcastic snort from behind me, "Pretty sure you're used to it."

I winced, fuck, he still can hit where it hurts.

"Ed." Em warned, while Jasper looked between us, trying to figure it all out.

"No Em, it's fine," I waved it away dismissively.

I'm not going there with him, I'm not arguing.

I swear to god his eyes softened ever so slightly when I turned away to face Em, "What can I do for you?"

After an hour and half they had everything they needed before leaving, it's safe to say that was the most awkward hour and half of my life, I felt emotionally and physically exhausted, trying to ignore the tension and heat between me and Edward.

Five minutes later it's just me and Mike again, because he can't get the fucking hint.

"Bella..." Mike whispered softly, right behind me, bringing his hand up to move my hair from my neck,

"Drop it."

We both spun round, not having heard the bell go when he walked in. "Excuse me?"

"I said, drop it."

That's it, no explanation or anything.

What the fuck was he even doing here anyway?

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Mike looked at me, as if I would clarify it for him.

"It's none of your fucking concern who I am," He paused, fists clenched at his side, "If I see you look at her, let alone touch her one more time, I'll fucking kill you."

Ladies and Gentleman.

Edward Cullen had lost his fucking mind.

This was the start of our fucked up relationship.

 **/././././././././././././././././..**

The girls were sat in the living room when I got home.

"I guess she knows?" I asked, nodding towards Alice who had tear streaks on her face.

"No, I didn't say anything, she found my test in the bathroom bin," Rose shrugged as if to say, what can you do.

"I'm so happy," Alice gushed, taking Rose's hand in hers, "This kid is going to be so loved and so fashionable."

"Of course," Rose stated, "You and Bella are this kids Aunties. I know I can trust you with my child's life."

Bitch was trying to make me cry, "You're hormones are shot. Why are you being so fucking nice?"

"Must be the baby." She smirked, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"Does Em know?" I asked, as she looked down at the floor.

"Yes."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"Rose."

"What?"

"What did he say?"

"He..." Rose paused as if trying to find the right words, "He's shocked, said he needed time."

"When was this?"

"A couple week ago," She said it so flippantly, "If he needs time, he needs time. I won't be contacting him first."

"So we'll be playing daddy until he decides what he wants?"

I wasn't trying to be a bitch, but I was concerned for her and my new niece or nephew.

"Pretty much."

That fucking settles it then.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going out."

"Bella."

"Rose."

I shrugged my coat back on, picking up my keys to my beat up piece of shit that I loved.

Big Red.

"Wait, I'm coming with you." Alice said, grabbing her own coat, "Jazz will be there right?"

I rolled my eyes, snorting "I'm pretty sure."

"Well, let's get going." She giggled waltzing through the front door and into Big Red.

"We'll be back soon." I didn't give Rose the chance to answer before shutting the door firmly and following Alice.

"...So, what do we think we're going to achieve going over there?" Alice asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I don't know."

"Do you know where they live?"

"Nope."

"Right, good plan Bella."

"I know where they drink though."

I smirked, motioning to the sign behind Alice's head.

"Ahhhh..." She turned round, "Big Sam's."

Well if this wasn't a stupid fucking idea.

"No time like the present," Alice announced, jumping out of my truck and heading for the bar. This was a bad fucking idea. Even for me.

What the fuck was I thinking, I wasn't, that's what. I came over here in the heat of the moment with no plan what so fucking ever. I tried for the last six years to avoid my past and Edward Cullen, now I can't seem to stay away.

Coming to see Emmett my ass.

I knew exactly why I was here.

And that reason had just walked out the front while lighting a cigarette.

I felt my hand go to my door and before I knew it I was walking across the road to him.

Abort mission.

Fucking abort mission.

"Hi..." I said softly, making my presence known.

He looked at me, tilting his head to the side, not bothering to say anything back. Just kept taking drags on his cigarette.

So I lit my own. "Look, I know you hate me..."

I paused, letting him have the chance to butt in, "This is fucking stupid, what the fuck am I even bothering for?" I snorted angrily, shaking my head, taking a sudden interest in his shoes, I lean up against the wall because I forgot how fucking exhausting it is being in his company.

If you can even call it company.

And then, then I smell him everywhere, all around me, like he was invading _me_.

I looked up, his emerald eyes two inches from my own, if that, anger burning away in them, he cages me in with his body and his hand, one pressed up against the wall, one pretty much pressed up against me, the slightest pressure. I looked down at his lips while licking my own, I could feel his breath hit them and I'll be damned if it didn't turn me on.

He said nothing as he continued smoking, he inhaled, but this time he brought his face close and my lips automatically parted slightly, taking in the smoke he blew into my mouth.

I think I may have whimpered.

"You're my weakness," He muttered so slow I hardly heard it. "I hate it,"

"I'm sorry." I managed to blurt out, as he leans down closer, running his nose along the side of my neck, before planting a kiss so light I barely felt it, just below and behind my ear. His Bella Sweet spot he used to call it.

"Ed...Edward, what..." I mumbled out, confused as fuck right now.

"I don't know what I'm doing." He sighed, dropping his head to my shoulder, his hand still in place on the wall by the side of my head, if anyone walked past right now, it would just look like a typical lovers embrace, but it wasn't. "Why can't I stay the fuck away from you?"

Was I meant to be answering because fuck if I knew.

It felt right though and that's what scared me.

"Don't."

He quirked his eyebrow at me, "What?"

"Don't stay away."

He gave me a half smile, "It's not that simple Bella."

"Why? Why can't it be that simple Edward?"

He stepped back then, as if I'd physically slapped him, "I can't go there again Bella. Not with you."

Well that stung, "Why the fuck not?"

Why couldn't I just shut my big mouth, really.

"I'm not getting into this conversation in the middle of a nightclub outside a bar. I'm not getting into this conversation ever, It's over Bella."

"Over?" I whispered, I felt the tears in my eyes, threatening to over spill.

"Yes."

The he left me there on the sidewalk, trying to collect myself as he went inside to act as though nothing happened.

I fired of a quick text to Alice, telling her I wasn't feeling to well all of a sudden which was fine because Jazz said he would make sure she got back, whatever.

I didn't go home, I went for a walk, at this time of night, stupid I know.

I stayed to the main roads, underneath the streetlights, I wasn't that fucking stupid.

Still, when I heard footsteps rapidly approaching from behind me, it didn't stop me from tensing up and dripping my keys in my hand tighter.

"Are you stupid?"

I spun round to face Edward, "No I'm not stupid. I'm taking a fucking walk"

"Please," Edward looked up at the sky, as if trying to gather the strength to keep him temper in check, "Please, tell me what the fuck you were thinking, taking a walk at this time of night."

I wasn't thinking, but there was no way I was admitting it to him.

"I don't need to tell you anything. Fuck off."

He smirked, "Hmm I see."

He see's what? I'm too scared to ask.

"Go home Bella."

I would if I knew where I fucking was, but like I said, I'm admitting nothing.

Being a stubborn bitch is not one of my most appealing attributes.

"Don't talk to me like i'm a child Edward. I'm not seventeen anymore."

"Oh believe me, I'm well aware you're not fucking seventeen anymore." His eyes ran up and down my body making me shiver. It's been so long since someone got that kind of reaction out of me.

He tugged on his hair, turning away from me, "Why are you following me anyway?" I asked his back.

"Alice said you left, then I went outside for a cigarette and you're car was there, but you weren't."

Like that explained it. "What do you care anyway?"

"Silly girl," Edward chuckled darkly, stalking closer he reached over and tugged my hair, pulling me closer, but not touching me, "I'll always fucking care."

He let me go then turned round and walked away, looking over his shoulder as my feet carried me towards him, following him back to the bar and Big Red.


End file.
